The Giant Of Metropolis
The Giant Of Metropolis (1961) Rewatch? ❎
I’d rocked up to watching this fully expecting a bit of swords and sandals tat, got quite excited that it erred more towards the ridiculous 30’s science fiction/fantasy end of the scale.
Absolutely the stuff of pulp magazines and comics, it’s the story of one buff dude’s quest to stop the king of Metropolis from doing something really silly and making a crap of everything with some wrongfaced science that involves a rather convoluted idea to give a child eternal life and the wisdom of their decaying grandad at the exact same time.
The crusty old fella who is being kept alive against his will is the good stuff and our buff guy gets into some really quite funny fights to keep things ticking along. He manages to beat a big hairy guy to death with a whoppingly large bone but sadly, gets nibbled on by some tiny cannibals and oof, he just cannot hack that. He also struggles to defeat a torch. Unfortunate! I mean, it’s all just an excuse to show off some glistening man tits anyway so you know, it’s not like any of it matters. He’s going to triumph, nibbly guys or not. Except he doesn’t.
Well. I mean, he does triumph but he doesn’t really do anything to get there, it sort of happens around him anyway. Absolute dogshit as a hero, bless. Dude spends more time chained up than doing anything…. Haaang on. Anyway. I’m sure this is all very heterosexual really. There’s a single, brief, scene where the camera pans down a woman’s leg but it looks half arsed (the panning, not the leg) and like nobody’s heart is really in it. Big “are we done now? Can I move on?” sulky energy to it.
The ending is fantastically cataclysmic and ridiculous and though over rather fast, it’s a good few minutes of the film turning into a disaster film entirely because why not, might as well. Models come crashing down, people are moistened, the sky is red, it’s apocalyptic and half unexpected because most films just wouldn’t, any of it. Surprisingly, considering the entire rest of the film, our hero somehow makes it to the very end and survives to… obviously not fight for another day, get caught and chained up for another day but at least he’s got a bit of a break to catch his breath now.
It’s really good fun. I love the sets and the costume work, the effects are every bit as rubbish as I could ever want and the dubbing in the version I was watching is, as is desirable, terrible. There’s even a glorious - and incredibly camp - dance routine that outcamps most other camp dance routines in this sort of film and I’m still not entirely sure what that was all about or why, I’m glad it happened though. Films just don’t break into some dance enough these days.
Yep, had a great time with this one. It’s brilliantly camp guff and definitely one for the rewatch pile.